We must be tangent lines.

All I can say is... I feel speechless but not to the point that I can't rant anymore... it is just that I don't know what are the right words anymore. First of all, I am so disappointed with myself. That I am able to feel the way I do now. I am so ashamed of myself, really.

I've been on good mood recently but like what I told X, I am beyond hope already. I reached the point that I actually do feel guilty to be feeling happy.. Tell me, am I like too used to feel upset already or what? It's like really, I don't deserve anything more than feeling lousy, sad and whatever negative shitzx. I feel disgusted but at the same time, I feel forgiving when wth, I don't even have to be? Who need my forgiveness anyway? Freaking ridiculous. And I can't help but bombard myself with many questions, like how long it gonna be this time round, what's the reason behind every single thing blablabla and I never get answers. I am stuck in a certain part of time and I feel lost. Seriously, I need to get the fact that everyone changed, including me. I shouldn't see someone and think he/she is still the same old boy/girl. I am turning 19 soon, I need to stop being naive. Maybe this is the new you but the thing is though it is not likely to happen, I questioned if I do want to be part of your life now? like the new you's life. I.don't.know.

It is absurd that I can feel the pain physically. From momentum ache to increasing rhythms and then finally numb. It's been too long ago since I last felt this way and I am in an awkward position now - to laugh or to cry?

To add on to it, I can't get my BB Bold tomorrow. Yay! Thanks to my pms mum and right, I wish I am rich or like a lot richer? I've said this umpteen times but seriously, it sucks to be me. AND WHY WON'T THE FREAKING PIMPLE GO AWAY?!?!?!?!

AND I HAVE LIKE MAKE-UP TUTORIAL FOR MA LATER CAUSE THE TUTOR HAD FOOD POISONING LAST FRIDAY AND I SAW THE MSG ONLY AT 8:35AM WHEN I AM ALREADY AT THE TRANSFER BUS STOP. PFFFFFFFFT. RECALLING THAT MOMENT SUCKS. I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING THE TUTORIAL.

This is too screwed to be true. Sorry but I get really cranky when I am sleep-deprived. Right, I need to learn to take things as they come. I shall savor the moment as long as I can and try hard not to think about anything else. This is ceteris paribus, all else stay constant. I... will be fine tomorrow.

Ps, I feel that feeling numb is contradicting. How can you feel when you're numb? Stupid.